tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize