what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
