No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So much rum. So many feels.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
