Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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