"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
