I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
