so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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