what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
