i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize