She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
nutella sex= disaster
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
