can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
