The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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