overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
