i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
