Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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