I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
