Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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