why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
