why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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