She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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