i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
