he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
