My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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