I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
