YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
