everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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