Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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