i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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