Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize