the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
