just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
