dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
