Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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