Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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