some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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