I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
