When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize