dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
