So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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