im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize