Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
