Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
