She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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