he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
