cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
