Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
