I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
