Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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