I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
