Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
