This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
