All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm really busy with my period
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