I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
