I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
