everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There r osticjed everywhere
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We need to get me chipped asap
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
