I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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