so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
40s are totally the cure
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
