i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
