were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
