he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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