I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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