my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
