oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
