how do flat chested girls get laid?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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