did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize