Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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