And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
