I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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