Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize