There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
