Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
