They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
