i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
