I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize