so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my shit smells like andre
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i drank out of a bidet.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
