he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
