thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
