If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize