do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
