im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
