Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
