She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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