Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
