The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
