You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
