So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
